We have planned to go out this week...No, actually he planned
that we will
watch a movie and grab some drinks together before christmas. I
was so excited telling myself that “ooopsss...i was so wrong and stupid to
think that our sexy night together will change everything about our friendship”.
Yeah, I kinda regret comparing him with the men i have with in the past.
He was really jolly that night when he told me about his
plan of us hanging out again and asked for a pair of red socks(weird) as a christmas present. Though I
was thinking of buying him a gift that’s pretty symbolic and that i know he’s
gonna laugh when he sees it, but i did not once I’ve confirmed that it’s no
joke when he asked for red socks. Why would he want a pair of red socks anyways...lol.
A night while i’m
on the way to work...i received a regular SMS from him.
He: wassup pare ?
Me: Nothing much going to work again hehe how are you? (I was inside the FX)
O prelims now over?
He: Not really one more exam tom pe only hehe
Me: Thats nice at least you can rest on the weekends
hehe. After that its xmas break hehe...
u sure u want
red socks? (who would be wanting a pair
of red socks any way?!)
He: Hahaha if my boyfriend let me wear it
...i got
confused thinking he’s just playing around so i replied a phishing joke
Me: Woh ur not telling me u already have a boyfriend
He: We just went into a relationship last night
...what-the-f*ck he’s serious!
...i suddenly felt a heavy
chest, i can’t breath, i can feel my ears are getting hot
and my throat is getting dry
Me: Congratulations buddy
He: Tnx
...and then there’s this awkward silence...
Me: So are we still going out on Wednesday?
(...begging
act,wishing that everything he just said was a joke)
He: Wed I don’t know he wants to take me to Tagaytay
...it was funny when i was really thinking
of inviting him in tagaytay once we meet again
...and everything shatters
Me: okay
Tears suddenly get into the edge of my eyes, holding
still to avoid from falling while I’m trying to control my emotions. thinking
so fast and making myself believe that it’s okay, it should be okay for me
anyways coz i don’t even have the right
to feel hurt coz we’re just friends after all. only friends that had gone into
a one time benefit by accident!
I was thinking that i’m brave enough to endure the pain,
in fact i felt so numb as i entered the office. I was aked by many why i was so
quiet that night; why i’m not cracking a joke or why am i not the happy me that
they are used to see. i just answered them a smile but deep inside i really
wanted to cry.
I dont want to talk to anybody that time. My bestfriend was not around so I didn’t have anyone to turn
and talk to. I remained my mouth shut
about it but my heart continues
to shout unstoppably untill a friend of mine who have noticed that something is
bothering me hugged me for comfort. I immediatel dettached myself from that
comforting hug and shouted at her to stop. Our friends around got shocked why i
acted that way but they got even more shocked when they saw the tears flowing
down my cheeks.
“I told you not to hug me!”... I couldn’t help myself
crying that time. Everybody got silent and just watched me shedding my tears. I
wanted to stop coz I really don’t want anybody see me crying, but controlling
myself didn’t work anymore and found myself sobbing with my face on my
jacket. A friend beside me was rubbing
my back telling methat i will be okay and the one who hugged me just hugged me
even tighter.
That moment, i felt comfort. I know i haven’t cried
enough yet coz I know there’s a process I have to undergo AGAIN and it just got
started coz i know that as tears flow and so the pain goes!
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