things are different now...I AM DIFFERENT NOW

I used to be the most optimistic guy you would ever know...but due to all of the circumstances that happened pain has changed me. I AM DIFFERENT NOW.

I could still remember the old days when I thought I've found the one, I used to dream a lot of good things for the both of us; living in one roof together doing chores, eating breakfast lunch till dinner together and actually doing most of the things together happily. I was thinking about cooking his favorite dishes, give him massage when he's tired at work, comfort him when he feels stressed of life and share some steamy nights as well.

I feel really refreshed as i look back on how I was before, when i was so enthusiastic, optimistic and unworried...in other words i miss myself being dumb in love. That really happened a long time now, but as i look back on to those memories I just simply smile and tell myself that things are different now.

So many times that those good dreams were shattered. I tried to dream about the same dreams with every relationship I entered and every person that I was with, but why does it seem like I find it hard for myself to dream of those good things the way I did before?

I've been hurt several times. I cried, went crazy and even lose myself in love and every time those crazy stuff happens I always thank the good Lord that he never fails to send His angels disguised as friends to comfort me whenever I needed the most.

I became tough as I gather all the positive energies that I can obtain from everything. I was able to pick my pieces up and promised not to make whatever mistakes I've made. Yes, I am stronger now but one thing I notice is that it seems like I've lost my appetite in dreaming and turn myself into a doubtful, in denial and distrustful lover... a SKEPTIC.